Another question that came to us through our contact page can be summarized as “How can I understand my role as a daddy dom?” Here is the main body of the email:
I am new to the BDSM thing and I want to become a Daddy dom for my girlfriend. She is a little. I was wondering if you could give me a few tips on how I could better understand my role. My main concern is punishment and behavior. How should I handle a situation as to where my little misbehaves? What punishments would be considered appropriate for given situations? Also any tips on how I better understand my role?
Like most questions that we try to answer we try to take the straightforward approach. Being transparent and honest is the key to all relationships, especially in long standing and trusting relationships that involve any kind of role playing or dom/sub type roles. It is really great if you have an idea about your partner’s fantasies, and in this case the emailer has already broached the topic. If you are looking for help on how you can share your fantasies we have post that might help. Now you want to get better at it, here are some thoughts:
First start with a discussion with your little and ensure that your understanding of the situation/relationship is on point. Establish that you are in a dominant position and ensure that your little agrees that she is in the sub role. From here you can discuss expectations and resulting consequences. Depending on the relationship the dom will establish all of these, or your little will help out. The key is to get an agreement again be clear. This is a visualization of this process:
Desired Results = Guidelines + Resources + Accountability + Consequences
To get your desired results you need guidelines, resources, accountability and consequences.
Guidelines: clearly define how to do what is expected
Resources: what can be used to make sure that the results are met
Accountability: who defines what is right or wrong
Consequences: What are the rewards or punishments
Using this to understand the daddy dome role a bit better
Desired Results = Happy Dom and Sub relationship and a happy dom and a happy sub
Guidelines: A clear definition of roles and what is expected in the roles. This needs to include roles and responsibilities of each person. This is where you will see contracts out there in the internet world. This doesn’t need to be so formal, but the roles should be clear and should include a way to revisit them.
Resources: A contract or rule book can be used to keep track of roles. An example of what is expected or a relationship to model after would also be another resource.
Accountability: Who is in charge of defining what is appropriate behavior? Usually the dom will establish this as the single person in charge. BUT the sub needs a way to establish accountability for the dom when the dom is out of line from the agreement! Also establish a dedicated time when you will come back and revisit the relationship and check in on the progress and enjoyment!
Consequences: What do both parties get when they fulfill their end of the bargain? What are punishments for failing on the consequences? Here are some thoughts on possible punishments.
The quick answer is to sit down, lay down, go for a relaxing drive or find someplace that the two of you can chat, and discuss your relationship. Discuss the dynamic or roles and set a time when you two will discuss the results in the future. Give it a shot and let us know how it goes by commenting below!