So Poppie pointed out that all my posts start out with “Poppie told me I have to post.” I hadn’t realized that I play the blame game, or leave wiggle room so I can put the blame elsewhere if my post draws criticism. So today, I am taking responsibility. This post is all me. I choose what I right and stand behind my opinions even if everyone else doesn’t agree. Wow that was a hard statement to write.
I love to have people like me/love me, think I am the greatest thing since sliced bread. I have a really hard time if anyone doesn’t like me, even if I don’t like them. I have to be #1 in all aspects of my life and if I am not, I make up excuses and blame others so I don’t put the focus on myself. Today, I am more aware of this and am working diligently to eradicate it from my life. I find it easy to get into this mindset when I am little. Even as a little, I need to take responsibility for my actions and not blame me being little for making bad choices. It is not an excuse, I keep telling myself.
There are times I like to be bad, but when I see it hurting other’s, I am quick to say, I don’t care and make excuses, when deep down, I am crushed. The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone. That was another revelation I found this week, but more about that in a future post.
My goal thru the end of the year is to always be aware of my blame game and call myself out on it. I make the choices, and have the thoughts, and if I act on those, I have to stop and reflect. Is that what I really meant to say or do? If it isn’t, I need to take ownership and learn from the mistake. If I did mean to do it, or meant what I said then I need to take ownership and stand by my choice to share and follow it up with additional information if needed. I can’t continue to use my go to, I was just kidding. Because we all know there is truth in those “kidding” moments.
I think this is a huge leap of faith for me. It is ok to be me and feel my feelings. I don’t have to be perfect, I can make mistakes as long as I learn from them and not have excuses to back them up. In the end, I think this will help me be a better little and much happier since I won’t be having guilt if I act responsibly.
New habits take time to create, so I need to be aware until the end of the year and daily look at myself and my feelings. By then, it will be habit and it won’t take as much energy. Poppie will help keep me on track, I am committed to this new journey. 🙂