Sometimes Littles Try to Hard to Be Perfect for their Daddies
So since I was very little, I have always had to be perfect. My mom would always tell me my relatives all tell her how I am not perfect, or she would tell me I wasn’t perfect, but I always acted like I was. So to them, I was snooty, acted better than them, and all kinds of mean things. Looking back, it was really crucial to how I would shape my adult life. I don’t trust easily, family is a major source of anxiety for me, and I just don’t like people. They always judge you, so you have to put on a front and not let people know how you are because they will just put you down.
I know what you are thinking, this is life. Well yes it is, but almost everyone has a person or 2 they have let in and they accept them for them. I didn’t have this until well into my adult life. And not from lack of trying by my boyfriend/now husband. I was afraid to be me even in front of him. Don’t get me wrong, I would slip, let the curtain down and be me, but as soon as I realized what I was doing, the wall would go back up. This no doubt frustrated him to no end. But he loved me and stood by me no matter what.
The next person in my life showed up by accident. She was an annoying little thing, I couldn’t possibly be friends with her. She was young and silly and knew what she wanted in life. She didn’t care what others thought of her, she was a good person and now I couldn’t imagine never meeting her. She saw something in me and knew we would be good friends, and she just didn’t let up, no matter how I would treat her. She wouldn’t let me get away with it either. Eventually, I let my guard down and let her in, and boy she sure changed my life. I owe her so much, and never miss a chance to thank her.
There has only been one other person. She knows everything there is to know about me and still loves me. We have no secrets, and sometimes it amazes me that she loves me flaws and all. Based on my upbringing, that only the people who do what everyone expects of them are the ones that get the love, and those of us that have our own minds and thoughts just get cut down at every turn.
I am so very thankful for my Poppie and my 2 bestest friends. I know I wouldn’t be the person I am today without their acceptance and guidance. I just hope to someday repay them for all they have given to me because they sure deserve all the happiness that I can give to them.