Dominant Submissive Relationships and Why They Work
There are many angles to a dominant submissive relationship. Whether you are looking at a daddy dom relationship, a sub/dom relationship, or some variation like 50’s lifestyle relationships, they all rely on one factor, the responsibility to love and obey. I was recently talking about this subject with a relationship counselor and that is when my friend shared this tidbit of information, “The most basic meaning of love is to obey.” Think about this for a minute and it is hard to argue, intact, I love to argue and I am not sure I can come up with a logical argument as to how this isn’t true.
To Love is to Obey, and this is where dominant and submissive relationships excel
Alternative relationships like daddy dom or traditional dominant relationships have a foundation in respect and the clearly defined responsibilities of obedience. This is exactly why these relationships seem to last and excel. While the mainstream puritan ideology of the States make it seem like these relationships are not ideal, all of the stable long term relationships that I know of have some defined level of responsibilities. Most of them would be considered “alternative” and have a heightened element of “kink” to them.
Obedience is a two way street in relationships 
Now as we look at failed relationships, of any kind, you will find that one or both parties in the relationship either do not have an agreement, or do not abide by there agreement. This is where the term obey originates. If you truly love someone, you will have clearly defined relationship that you agree with whole heartedly agree and abide by. You will not violate their trust or your agreement in your relationship. As soon as you give up, you disobey and by rule violate your love for your partner.
Alternative Relationships have this nailed!
In your typical Dom/sub relationship, you not only have clearly defined roles, the obedience is also built into the relationship as well. When one of the partners fails to follow through with their agreements, or disobey they have clearly outlined punishments. Often times these are alternative to natural consequences. Meaning in a traditional relationship, the natural consequence of failed obedience is broken trust and passive aggressive dance involving charades and a lack of communication. (not what good relationships are made of) Where the natural consequences in a dominant submissive relationship will be the specifically agreed upon punishment and discussion.
To Obey is to Love
The bottom line is that to love is to obey. Whether you choose to be a bottom, submissive or a little you chooses to obey your top, dominant or daddy. You do so because you have the utmost love, AND they have shown that they also OBEY your wishes and showing true love for you in return. This true love and obedience is why these relationships are strong, last forever and are the envy of all of your friends.
Am I a dominant or submissive? take the dominant submissive test here. (a fun quick test that might give you some insight)
Poppie
stock image used with permission of http://fantasystock.deviantart.com
elay says
April 30, 2015 at 3:18 amHi, am elay. I joined this community because am currently miserable and confused. I want to find my self. Currently am working and staying in kingdom of Saudi Arabia. Until, last year I started loosing everything. Death of my father and my relationship with my boyfriend. I felt so doomed. Then one day I receive a massage from a guy. He claimed his a submissive man. But because it’s the first time I met a man like him. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how should I treat him. Am a kind and sweet person so think I can’t reach his expectation. So I made a research for me to know. Because don’t know what is on his mind. But one day while am still in the situation that am trying to understand things in this kind of relationship he then said he will be the dominant and I will be the submissive and his reason was I am not dominant. A sudden change again which turns my head upside down. I felt like he is playing with me… I felt I lost my self. What should I do… Again I grab my iPad and started reading dominant submissive relationship. I felt scared. Then after 3 days he called me slave… I told him can you call me by my name but he refuse I felt insulted I became scared that may be he will treat me like a doormat… And then he block me in every site that I can contact him he told me that I lost him. He told me he give me one last chance but I miss it too. I don’t think he gave me chance because he knew that it’s my first time to meet someone like him. Its just like in 3 weeks he wants me to prove my self to him which makes me more anxious because I don’t know how can Ido that. We. Are both living in a Saudi rules. I can’t see him anytime I want. I can’t hold him I can’t express my feeling because of Saudi rules.He told me that he want to stop now. May be someday he will forgive me but not now. First time in my life that I beg someone to forgive me.i really beg that I even told him to punish me just to forgive me. He said not now may be someday he will but he don’t know. I don’t know what to do. Did I really lost him though he told me to wait? I am suffering. Am miserable knowing that I lost him. What will I do?
Poppie says
June 20, 2015 at 2:16 pmHi Elay, We are sorry for your loss of this relationship and struggles with your introduction into dom/sub relationships. Unfortunately, in this situation this loss of a relationship is likely a good thing. True dominants will take great care of their subs and while they will push boundaries, they will do so in a loving and caring fashion. In this case it seems that not only was there a relationship built on falsities and misrepresentation (submissive switch to dominant) but then also pushed you in a way that you were not ready.
We are hoping that time has healed some of these wounds and you are able to move on from this unhealthy relationship and explore this lifestyle with someone that you can build trust with. Trust is the most important element of
any
relationship.
Poppie